


I think horrible is still coming. Right now, it's worse.

by tonystork



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Anyways, Depressed Peter Parker, Gen, Hurt Peter Parker, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Mess, Protective Tony Stark, Swearing, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, based off my own experiences with depression, bc depression's a bitch that i need to write about for it to leave me alone for a while, dad!tony except peter doesn't actually say dad, i got close but it just didn't fit for me, i had a mental breakdown last night and wrote this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 14:22:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20583932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonystork/pseuds/tonystork
Summary: Peter Parker is still just a kid. He should only have to be a kid. Nobody ever told him you have to grow up so soon.Cue the mental breakdown every depressed millennial has at some point.





	I think horrible is still coming. Right now, it's worse.

In the quiet air of the apartment rooftop, Peter roughly pulled the mask over his face as he grit his teeth and struggled to keep his breathing even. “Karen, mute sound.” He said with angry tears rolling down his face, getting caught in the nose piece of the mask. Peter was breaking. He lost his mom. He lost his father. Hell, he couldn’t even remember them. He lost his uncle. He lost himself. 

Peter bent forward, his face red and his body screaming without making a noise. His eyes hurt from the strain of crying while shut. His lips felt cracked from being stretched as thin as his scream could make them. His chest caved as the hole in his heart demanded more room. His fingers reached up to wipe the tears away, temporarily forgetting the mesh that protected his identity. He didn’t even know what his identity was. A lost boy, like in Peter Pan? That felt fitting, the names even matched.

All at once, his body sagged. A lost boy. No parents, no uncle, no identity. _ Lost_. Time felt like a thick pudding. Peter didn’t think it had been long, but every time he checked the time, another quarter passed. Peter let out a long breath. His eyes glazed over as his tears came to a sudden halt. Peter couldn’t cry anymore. Peter...couldn’t feel much of anything. He watched the city move with a face of disinterest. He was sapped of energy. When Karen called Tony, he felt the beginnings of feeling panic before it evaporated like mist in his grasp. Words died on his tongue before they even formed. Instead, Peter just sat on the rooftop exhaling sorrowfully. The hole had taken his emotions, his tears, and now it had stolen his will to get up and fight like he always did. He was just too _ tired_.

That thick pudding only got tougher to wade through as Peter waited for Tony to inevitably show up and save the day. Peter just closed his eyes and exhaled weakly. He didn’t even have it in him to try to be sarcastic. When he heard a loud sudden clang of the metal suit hitting the ground next to him, Peter didn’t even flinch. Instead, he just spoke softly.

“Do you ever just feel like you’re drowning, Mr. Stark? Like everyone can see you, everyone is trying to give you a hand and you keep slipping through.” Peter thought of Ned trying to make him laugh when he frowned, May taking him out for Thai as a treat, Mr. Stark taking him to his lab when he knew it was a bad day. He knew he wasn’t alone, not by a long shot. But still, Peter kept slipping.

Tony sat quietly watching Peter’s thousand yard stare as he spoke. He did know what it felt like. Tony opened his mouth to speak but Peter was faster. The kid shuttered out a breath as more tears fell unbidden from his eyes. 

“I can’t breathe. I can’t sleep because the thoughts just follow me there. I can’t dream because my dreams consist of everyone I love turning against me.” Peter’s phone took that moment to chime. _ Time for happy pills! _ Peter frowned as he dug the little yellow pill out from his pocket and dry swallowed it. It might as well have been pure anger that he’d swallowed instead, finally freeing at least _ one _ emotion from him. “I can’t live, I can’t swim without these fucking meds because I know I’ll drown! It’s a sick twisted version of what life is supposed to be. _ Fuck!_” Peter snapped his head into his hands, the mesh only pissing him off more. He reached up and ripped it off in a flurry. Tony watched as the lovable face of Spider-Man was flung to the elevator wall. He looked back at Peter, who sat watching the mask flop to the ground. The usual spark in his eyes was hidden in a shroud of darkness.

He got it. _ God_, if there was one person in the world who understood what Peter felt, what he was going through, it was Tony. Tony, who had lost his parents too. Tony, who’d trusted a man as his surrogate father and had him rip his heart out right in front of him. Tony, who’d rarely ever had friends _ not _ use him for his fortune. Tony, the depressed, anxious, insomnia-ridden alcoholic billionaire. He laid his hand on Peter’s shoulder and lowered himself beside the teenager. 

“I know, kid. I know. Life fucking sucks. It shouldn’t but it does.” Tony said, watching the glittering skyline as the kid leaned his head on his shoulder. _ The kid knew where to pick his mental breaks, that’s for sure. _ Tony felt Peter nodding in agreement against the fabric of his shirt.

“Life isn’t supposed to be easy, but it’s not supposed to be this _ goddamn hard_. Everyone else can breathe normally and I’m gasping for air. It’s like everyone else started at level one and I’m here, trying to catch up from behind the starting point but I can never quite reach it.” Peter paused from his rant for a moment and took in Mr. Stark. The older man was nodding. Peter let out a breath as he realized that Mr. Stark got it. Tears came to his eyes again, and this time Tony wiped them away. 

Tony has learned a lot of lessons in his life, but this one always leaves you the lowest. Nobody ever says you have to grow up quite this soon.

“I’m sorry, kid. I tried to hope for the best, that you wouldn’t have to go through this, but…” Tony trails off. Everybody has to go through this, the stage where you realize your parents can’t hold your hand forever, but the kid...he didn’t even have parents to hold his hand in the first place. “It must be horrible.” He wedged Peter under his arm as the kid watched the stars with watery eyes.

“I think horrible is still coming. Right now, it’s worse. Right now, I’m just trying to convince myself it won’t always be this way,” Peter felt as Tony held in a deep breath, the way you do before you have to blurt out bad news. Like ripping off a bandaid. “But it will, won’t it? You just get used to it.” 

Tony let out a quiet sigh. “Yeah, buddy. You get used to it. You learn how to cope with it, and just when you think the world has taken everything from you,” Tony pauses as he looks down at Peter, “it gives you something to hold on to.” Peter looked up as Tony squished him in a side hug.

“You know what? We’re just going to sit here, on this freezing rooftop, and just feel awful, okay?” Tony moved his head so Peter could lean on his chest, right under his chin. He reached up a hand to brush his fingers through the kid’s curly hair. 

“Okay.” Peter agreed in a small voice, relaxing with every stroke through his hair. Tony and Peter just sat there in silence, both trying to heal from life’s worst lesson. Sometimes you just have to feel horrible to be okay again. Maybe not fine, but okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! I haven't written in a while...it's good to be back. This is just something short I wrote and sort of fixed up this morning after my mental breakdown was done and slept over. So, there might be typos. If there are, please let me know in the comments and I'll fix it up ASAP.  
Also, I have to work in like an hour, so if you please, drop a kudo and a comment! They make my day so much better to see them from you :)


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